8 Ways To Beat And Overcome Shyness

Shy people instinctively know that they are missing out. Shyness equals lost opportunities, less pleasure and fewer social connections. Shyness can be crippling but there are tried and tested ways to beat and overcome shyness to make it a thing of the past.

The formula for shyness is "too much focus on the self" plus anxiety. To make it even more unpleasant, sometimes when you are feeling shy you experience physical sensations which 'hijack' your calm logical self.

When I was in my teens I was very shy. Once, I met an attractive girl who attempted to engage me in conversation. However, my extreme shyness made me focus on me

noises! When I detected pity in her eyes (or was it contempt, or boredom) I mumbled my excuse and got out of there. I hated being shy and was determined to beat it.

How Shyness Is Developed And Maintained

Shyness really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing when young simply condition you to respond to social events with fear, instead of excitement and pleasure. To overcome shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain conversational skills.

To start reducing your own shyness, here are 8 effective tips and ideas that you can put into practice to beat and overcome shyness:

1.
Think about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous around. It's that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.

2.
One of the most effective way to beat shyness is by striking a conversation with someone new everyday. The next time you go get your cup of coffee or grocery, try adding a "Hi, how's your day?" to the person assisting you. When you start speaking, you help decrease the uncomfortable period between you and that person. Do this routine to one new person a day. Slowly, you will enjoy your little conversation success and find yourself really comfortable talking to strangers.

3.
Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also 'dilutes' social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.

4.
Ask people questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask open questions that require more than a 'yes'/'no' response such as "What do you like about this place?" rather than: "Do you like this place?" Once they've answered use 'add-on' questions connected to the first such as: "Tell me more". This is a great way to keep the conversation going.

5.
Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined? That's how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and I've long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me - it's just too painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.

6.
Stop using 'all or nothing' thinking. The 'completely this/completely that' style of thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms. An angry person is 'right' and you are 'wrong'; the depressed person feels like a 'failure' while others are a 'success'. In reality, life is composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the 'wrong' thing! Or that people will 'hate' you. Once you start to relax more socially you'll notice much less black or white thinking because anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.

7.
Take your time. You don't have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason). Don't just blurt out what you think might be the 'right' answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.

8.
Finally, use self hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed. This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact you'll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others you'll reach the point where you just can't be shy any more! This is what I call a 'happy inability!'